The Mole Family

A mama mole, papa mole, and baby mole all live in a little mole hole. One day the papa mole sticks his head out of the hole, sniffs the air, and says, "Yum! I smell maple syrup!"

The mama mole sticks her head out of the hole, sniffs the air, and says, "Yum! I smell honey!"

The baby mole tries to stick his head out of the hole to sniff the air, but can't because the bigger moles are in the way and he says, "Geez, all I can smell is molasses."

Get Your Momma

A family from East Tenn was visiting knoxville and they were in a mall for the first time in their lives. The father and son were strolling around while the wife shopped. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again. The boy asked, "Paw, what's tat?"

The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I dunno. I ain't never seen anything like that in my taar life, I ain't got no idea'r what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular number above the walls light up sequentially.

They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Then the walls opened up again and a gorgeous, voluptuous 24 year-old blonde woman stepped out.

The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son,
"Boy..................go git yor Momma...............

Barbie

One day a father leaves work and on his way home he remembers that it's his daughter's birthday. He pulls over to a toy store and asks the salesperson,
"How much is the Barbie in the display window?"

The salesperson answers, "Which one?

We have:
Work out Barbie for $19.95
Shopping Barbie for $19.95
Beach Barbie for $19.95
Disco Barbie for $19.95
and
Divorced Barbie for $265.95

The amazed father asks:
"What? Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 and the others only 19.95?"

The salesperson annoyingly answers:
Sir..., "Divorced Barbie comes with:
Ken's Car,
Ken's House,
Ken's Boat,
Ken's Furniture,
Ken's Computer and........One of Ken's Friends

Fun with Breakfast

A 6-year old and a 4-year old are upstairs in their bedroom. "You know what?" says the 6-year old. "I think it's about time we started cussing."

The 4-year old nods his head in approval. The 6-year old continues, "When we go downstairs for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with 'hell' and you say something with 'ass'. The 4-year old agrees with enthusiasm.

When their mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6-year old what he wants for breakfast, he replies, "Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios."

WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up and runs upstairs crying his eyes out with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step. His mom locks him in his room and shouts, "You can just stay there until I let you out!"

She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4-year old and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?"

"I don't know," he blubbers, "but you can bet your fat ass it won't be Cheerios."